I want to ....

I want to be all that

I am capable of becoming. 

 

Katherine Mansfield

 

 

 

 

The above is written on the front of my workout log book.  I had an idea for a blog post yesterday and my plan was to just post it today.  BUT there was a conversation today that has me thinking. 

 

Examining.  Questioning.  Me.  Myself.  And I. 



 

I 100% believe in those words.  I want to be all that I am capable of becoming.  I want to check each and every item off of my "list".  Or at least I thought I did. 

 

Today, I had a conversation with a wise person.  I will not name this person and seriously doubt they will ever read this.  This person is wise and bright.  Maybe not the most articulate but none the less very insightful.  I started talking about my running plans for the week as there is a 1/2 marathon with my name on it this Saturday.  Then the conversation included talk of the full at the end of the month. 

 

There was head shaking.  Nodding.  Hmm.  Okay.  Sure.  No problem.     

 

And then "Why do you always sabotage yourself?"  WHAT!  "Why do you always put in months of work.  Then a few weeks before just fall apart.  You psych yourself out.  Like you don't believe you are worthy of getting what you want."  WHAT!  "That way an excuse is already built in.  You will never be let down because you've set yourself up to fail."  WHAT! 

 

I just sat there.  

 

Floored.  Served.  Called out.  Nothing to say.  

 

Truth hurts.

 

I've thought about that all day.  Seriously.  All day.  Who wouldn't? 

 

It is true. 

 

Done it for years.  

 

Years. 

 

Years. 

 

I am my "achilles heal".  I am my own kryptonite.  I am my own worst enemy. 

 

Why don't I think I'm worthy?  Why do I sabotage myself?  Do I really want to reach my goal?  Why do I keep repeating the same cycle over and over again?  So many questions.  So many thoughts. 

 

Not enough answers. 

 

I've spent the day re-evaluating myself.  My desires.  My dreams.  My behavior.  

 

I have desires.  I have dreams.  From this day forward, I am more committed to achieving those dreams and desires than I ever have been.  Being "called out" has ignited something in me.  It has made me aware of my destructive behavior.  I will no longer be my own achilles heal.  My own kryptonite.  My own worst enemy. 

 

I am voicing that right now.  At this very moment in time.  I am setting out to prove to my worst enemy that I am capable.  I am worthy.  I am no longer about words but about actions.  I will use my blog and page to motivate not only others but myself to reach for the stars.  Pick an item off that list and work for it. 

 

May 31, 2013 is my 40th birthday.  9 months .. right?  I'm not really a timeline kinda gal.  But I'm now on a timeline.  I have three goals for my 40th birthday ..... 1.  be my after picture, 2.  take my husband up on his goal "gift", and 3.  run the Pittsburgh 1/2 marathon in May in as close to 2 hours as I can.  Hell .. I'll put it out there .. 2 hours or under! 

I will take what comes to me on race days over the next month.  I have earned what happens. 

 

I will be blogging and posting about every stinking mundane workout out.  Every new meal.  Every little change that I see.  I have some knowledge of the work ahead of me.  Both running and otherwise. 

 

I will no longer settle for less. 

 

I'm will prove this to myself. 

 

Anyone else wanna achieve something for their 2013 birthday? 

 

Let's do this together. 

 

I know that actions speak louder than words! 

 

Watch my actions....................................