Today has been weird ....

Funk.

Just hearing ... BLAH.  BLAH.  BLAH. 

From anyone that I've come in contact with and from myself. 

BLAH.  BLAH.  BLAH. 

I'm going to be 40 years old at the end of May.  40 years old.  Truthfully,  I don't feel any different than I did at 20 years old.  Okay .. my face didn't feel like this physically at 20 years old.  I contracted Bells Palsy while pregnant with my oldest and have nerve damage and other symptoms hanging around from that.  Is this where I wanted to be in life?  What do I want to do with my life?  Where do I want my family to go from here?  What do I really want for my family?  Did I expect my life to be like this at 40 years old? 

There are many more questions rolling around in there.  Shouldn't a 40 year old have answers to these questions?  Shouldn't a 40 year old have some type of clarity?  IDK.  Maybe it is just the day.  Maybe it is the beginnings of a midlife crisis.  IDK. 

I came across these two pictures this afternoon ......

They didn't help matters.  AT ALL!  The top is Vacation 2011.  The bottom is Vacation 2012.  Other than my parents being gone and the kids are bigger .. nothing else is different.  Who am I kidding?  I don't look any different.  I feel different.  I feel like I look different.  Guess not.  I know the only person that really cares is me.  Maybe this is what I needed to find today?  Maybe not?  I know it bothers me.  And I'm really tired of talking about it.  Again, it is all just BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 

More action. 

Less BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 

Sad thing is this is the easy part of my day. 

Answering the first group of questions is the harder part. 

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.