What a difference a year makes .... part 1

Well for the last 1 1/2 weeks, my life has pretty much been taken over by our sick kids.  I haven't had a good nights sleep, a full nights sleep since Saturday, December 3rd.  And it is starting to take its' toll!  My workouts have truthfully kinda not existed for the last three days.  I did my challenges yesterday but didn't "feel in it".  I put as much "in it" as I have.  And that really bothers me!  Overall, though, I just want illness out of our home!  I want the kids up, running, and being as ornery as they can be! 

With all of this it makes me think of last holiday season.  BOY, DO I KNOW THIS POST IS GOING TO GET ME IN SOME HOT WATER.  I can already guess who will be calling or mentioning this when I see them.  Last holiday season was hard.  I felt horrible.  Horrible.  Remember, I keep a lot of "secrets"...see 1 below.  They aren't hard to keep.  After Halloween 2010, I started to feel "weird".  No other way to describe it.  It progressed slowly.  Then around Thanksgiving, I was "riding a skateboard down a steep hill".  My "neck" started to hurt ... that is a general description ... there was a specific area.  Then the feeling of light-headedness ... lying down, standing, driving, wherever, and whenever.  The feeling of "nothing".  Now, I know this is going to sound crazy but there where times I could not feel my neck and head.  NOT NUMB.  Like it wasn't even there.  I was afraid to drive my car.  Afraid that something may happen.  I was popping more Tylenol than anyone should ever take.  NOTHING!  NOT TOUCHING A THING!  NOTHING!

Sometimes the pain would radiate to my shoulders.  So much pain.  My purse felt like it weighed 4,000 pounds on my shoulder at times.  I called the Dr. but due to the closeness of the holidays, it would be about two weeks.  NO BIGGEE!  I waited this long already.  Secretly, I knew something was wrong.  I remember sitting on the couch, looking at the Christmas tree, and crying.  You know the deep, hard, big, huffing, puffing, sobbing, ugly cry.  Yeah, that one.  My husband heard me.  I hadn't told him yet.  I explained the pain, the worry, and the Drs. appointment.  Don't judge me ... what was he going to do?  Tell me to go see a Dr. 

I remember going shopping after that and having John push the cart.  He also carried my purse because it was all too much.  Continued through the holiday, putting on a front.  Then came Drs. appts., blood tests, cat scans, and more blood tests.  I don't care how strong and tough you may be or appear to be the unknown sucks and is scary.  What is scarier then the unknown?  Having a Dr. say "I think there is a possibility you have Lymphoma."  PARDON MY LANGUAGE but "WTF!  WTF!" was running through my mind. 

TO BE CONTINUED! 

1.  Secret - adjective - done, made or conducted without knowledge of others - faithful or cautious in keeping confidential matters confidential; closemouthed; reticent - kept from the knowledge

THE FOLLOWING IS MY OPINION ....... I say that I keep a lot of "secrets" but they are not secrets to me.  There is some information that just doesn't need to be shared.  In matters of health, I don't really like to share things until I KNOW "what the deal is".  Why worry people?  Why do I want people bothering me?  If you don't call me or visit at normal times.  I sure don't want you to call and ask "How are you doing" or come visit just because I have something going on.  I know that sounds harsh but that is how I feel.