It doesn't matter what I call you. It doesn't matter how I spell it. I doesn't matter how it is said. Today you turn 9 years old. My big blue eyed fella is growing up. I have no idea where the time went. I know it was just yesterday that you looked like this ....
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| Please excuse the puffiness. He was a rare child that was allergic to the salve they wipe over their eyes. And at this time he had already been released, taken to children's, had surgery, and returned back to me the next day. It was a LONG day!
I've told you many times that Momma and Daddy were very excited the day you arrived. We waited for a long time to see your little face. You have asked many times what my first thought was when I saw you. Being honest, I've always told you it was "Oh thank god! He has a very nice leg." Not the most sentimental thing but Momma was very, very, very tired from trying to push you out.
But once I looked at you. I looked into those big blue eyes. I was in love. Momma always wanted boys. Four boys. And there you were. My boy. My big boy. My big blue eyed fella. Over the years, I have had ups and downs. See you little guys don't come with a owners manual. And unfortunately, we parents must go by trial and error. Admittedly, some trials were better than others! I've made a lot of errors. Glad it isn't like baseball. I'd more than likely be removed from the team.
No matter what happened that day. Or on this day. I would just take a look at this face.........
And realize that I needed to try harder. To do better. Over the years, I've watched you grow. I don't know how Momma and Daddy were blessed with such a polite thoughtful young man. One who is bright, articulate, picks things up very easily, and strives to do his best in everything. We have had our highs and lows together. We are very much alike. I see so much of me in you!
I watch you diligently work away at things. Striving to get it perfect. Never wanting to let anyone down. I see you blush when certain subjects are brought up. I see you being shy in certain situations. I know how hard it is for you to speak to adults. I hear the crackle in your voice when you get mad. I see the little tear form and know that you are not sad .. you are upset. I know when to hug you. I know when to go away.
I love that still to this day ... you sleep with your best friend Mum. That moo-cow has been through a lot and seen a lot! In school we've seen this many times,
We love that you have been student of the month four times in three years. You work hard at your "schoolin". Some things come easier than others to you. But no matter what, you always put your head down and plug away at it. Happily showing me your artwork. Math homework (OMG!). Or sharing what story you have written. This year you will be in the third grade. Your first shot at letter grades. You have shared that A's are all that will be accepted. I know in my heart of hearts that you are more than capable of getting them. And I will be here should A's not be what is brought home.
I love our morning hugs. I love that you still kiss and hug me good-bye every morning when I drop you off at school. Yes, admittedly I had a talk with you about it. Never worry what your buddies think. Always do what you want to do. Glad that kissin' Momma is something you want to do! I love that you want to hold hands in the parking lot at Wal-Mart and skip like "fools" into the store. You are Daddy and I's child .. there has to be something a little off in there!
I've watched you over the past year, trying to have "adult" conversations about everything from football, hunting, to what ever news story was on TV. It makes me chuckle. It makes me sad. My guy is growing up. You have found your desire in ....
I've definitely watched you go from a shy little fella that didn't know what to do. That just "ever so gingerly" tackled someone. Turn into a little fella that isn't afraid to take anyone down. No matter their size. I remember the game the change happened. The look in your eye changed. The way you carry yourself on the field changed. You have decided that baseball is not a path you want to take.
Knowing that you have no desire to play and no love for the game you turned your sights on other outlets. Right now you have a love for football, wrestling, track & field, and golf. I love that you have taken to golf. I know that your Pap loves the Tuesday morning "golf dates". And it kinda scares me that you might beat me! No matter your pursuits. No matter your desires. I will be here to support you. I will be here to cheer you on.
I can't believe that you are nine years old. Where has the time went. I sit here with tears in my eyes. Why can't you stay little? Why must you grow up? I guess that is truly the hardest part of being a parent. I think of the little fella that opened a tube of Desitin and rubbed it all over his head, face, body, and bedroom wall. Who knew one tube could coat that much stuff?! I think of the little fella that would zip up and down the hallway in his walker laughing when he would run over my toes. I think of the little fella that sat in the hospital with me when he came to see his little sister for the first time.
Oh this post didn't go as expected. This has been harder than I had thought it would be. I've cried. I've sobbed. There is no way that I can write everything that I want to you. There is no way that I can express everything that I want. So, I'll just close with Payne Robert .. I love you. I will be here to watch you grow. I will be here to hold your hand when needed. I will be here to listen. I will be here to talk to if you need. I will be here to guide you. I will be here to support you.
And right now, I'm getting off of here to come give you a "big squezzin' hug" and nine butt whoppings ... you officially turn nine in eight minutes!
LOVE YOU!
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