When I started on my journey it started with getting really honest with myself. I feel like it is time to get 100% honest with myself again. Over the past several months to a year, I feel as though I've went off course. Gotten a little caught up in my own mind and competitiveness.
When I think of my life one phrase comes to mind. Jack of all trades, Master of none. That is me. I can do a lot of things. Sew. Bake. Knit. Run. Dive. Support. Mother. Organize. And like everyone else the list could go on and on. I'm good enough in a lot of things but not as good as I could be.
I "flit" around from thing to thing. Having the capabilities to be "excellent" at a lot but never following through completely. That is my nature. Always moving. Always thinking. Doing one thing while thinking of three others. I'm an UNBELIEVABLE multi-tasker.
Really starting to think that turning 40 years old in a few months is playing a part in all of this. Like a giant crossroad in my life. Do I go right? Do I go left? Right equals the road I am on. Always taken. Easy. Safe. Predictable. With a few speed bumps along the way. Left equals the road not traveled often. Honesty. Change. Growth. With speed bumps along the way. Well, to be honest, I never seem to really do things the easy way. Change is good. Self growth is awesome.
LEFT it is!
So let me get a little honest about a few things. Honest with myself that is.
Honesty #1 .... Goals. Do I have a ultimate goal? Yes. I actually have several. Can I 100% define them all for you? No. I can't 100% define them for myself. They are in there. Some have been there for years. Years. And years. They may not even be goals. They may be dreams. One thing that I know. They need to be realized. One of my biggest goals is to be the best me that I can be. No one else. Me. Only me. To show myself that any single thing is possible. Showing my children that if you want it .. you can achieve it. I want to show them a healthy lifestyle. And with that I don't necessarily mean nutritionally. A good loving relationship between their mother and father. The give and take of life. Teaching them about the financial side of life. The non-materialistic side of life. How to be good respectful upstanding individuals.
Honesty #2 .... Running. I hate running. Truth. I hate it because I struggle. I struggle for a few reasons. I have a lack of commitment to it. I never 100% follow through on training. Built in disappointment. Now, I struggle with the pressure of it all. For this year, I plan to do six 1/2 marathons. Why? IDK! As of right now, I am registered for two of them. I may do the six. I may not. One thing that I will 100% do is enjoy myself. Something that I haven't done in a long time. A goal of a 2 hour 1/2 was said and written. Not gonna happen. Why? I don't wanna put in the work necessary for me to get that. Does that time sound great? Well yes. But being completely honest .. I could care less what my time is. I'm not in competition with anyone. I'm not even in competition with myself. I'm capable of getting there and I will. On my own terms. Not on some competitive whim that I had. The only thing that I want to do is enjoy myself. The alone time. The air. The sun. The adrenaline. Is this not following through ... I don't think so. I see it as being honest. I don't like the pressure that I place on myself. No one else gives a rat ass what my times are. And ultimately, I don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks of my times. The pressure of seeing if the minute per mile is faster. The pressure of when I don't see improvement like I want. The pressure that others will be disappointed. Honestly, will you be disappointed with my times? No. The constant worry about what the Garmin will show. Really? It sucks any and all joy out of it. As least for me. My Garmin is banned starting today. Only to be worn on race days. I know my body. I know when it is good. I may not even wear a watch. I don't care it is 9 min miles or 11 min miles. I want to run. I want to get stronger. Learning what I need to do. Enjoying the run.
Are there other aspects of my life that I'm getting honest about ... OH YEAH! But you know what? I'm tired of typing. That's why I labeled this part 1. Could also be because I wrote every thing out first on paper to get it the way I wanted. Anyway! I'll share those another day. Because the truth is .. each day brings new honesty. Brings me closer to be the person that I want to be.
The best me that I can be .... Mind, Body, and Spirit.
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