Oh well, back to my blog post. I don't know about you but every so often the philosophical side of me comes out. I get a little deep. I do some soul searching. I become a little more enlightened .. whether it be about myself, others, or some thing in the universe. My husband always tell me it seems to be when I get real with myself. I don't know? Maybe?!
Yesterday, I completed a 14.9 mile training run. The time is inconsequential. I had postponed it over the weekend as I had done last weekend. So, I ran. It was done. I was happy. It got me to thinking. It got me to thinking about running. It got me to thinking about me and running. It got me to thinking about me, running, and my family. It got me to thinking about me, running, my family, and just life in general.
Through out my life, I've never enjoyed running. Heck, I down right hated it. Would avoid at all costs. I was a member of the track team back in the day and would fight running. At all costs! My knees always hurt. I would run for a few days. Then stop. To return, maybe, a year later? But I found a system that works for me. No real back to back runs. I've watched my running form improve. IMMENSELY! I've watched my breathing improve. IMMENSELY! I've watched my body improve. Notice there was not an IMMENSELY! I like to think it has helped the inside IMMENSELY!
Over the years, I lost toenails. Had a calf strain....OMG! Had hip issues. Worried about my time per mile. Not worried about my time per mile. Ran 5ks'. Ran 10ks's. Ran a marathon. But one thing I've noticed ... to be really honest ... to be really truthful ... to be quite frank ...
I don't love running!
I love working out. I love exercise. Give me P90x. Give me Body Pump. Give me weight based exercises. Give me a bike. Give me a pool. Give me dancing. Give me body weight exercises. Give me anything! I'll bust my a@@. I'll lift harder. Go stronger. Go longer. Push more. Than anyone out there.
I don't love running!
I like the sense of accomplishment. I like listening to nature. I like the race day atmosphere. I like clearing my head. I like using it as a little therapy....it is cheaper than shopping. I like pounding out my problems.
Now, this all may be me getting a little down on myself. I don't know. I am registered for the Wineglass Marathon in Corning, NY on September 30, 2012. I've been working hard. I may not always blog. I may not always post. I may not always do a YIPPEE run. There have been days lately where it seems like I'm always on a "computer" logging something....it is getting to me. So, I've missed here and there.
But I know in my heart of hearts that I've put in more work this year than I did last year. BUT with that being said ... the same thing is starting to happen again. My hubby seems to work a lot of overtime in the summer. Weekdays and weekends. Which makes long runs hard to fit in. Really there is a difference between 3 mile runs and 15+ mile runs.
I am all about making time for myself. TRUST ME! But it has gotten to the point that I advertised for a babysitter to watch my kids while I go run. IDK? I don't care for that. I don't hire babysitters to go out. I can't tell you the last time our children were left with a babysitter. And with him working so much ... I am in charge of getting the kiddos here, there, and every where. It makes me feel a little like this .........
I'm feeling a little inferior. It makes me feel like I'm putting in an inferior effort. I don't question myself very often. I am not a self-doubt type of person. But I'm starting to on this front. Is the end justifiable? IDK.
So, I will run. I will continue to train. I will do the marathon on September 30, 2012 along with the 1/2 I'm registered for a few weeks earlier. And after that IDK. I'm gonna take a break. Re-examine things. Re-examine my goals. Re-examine what is important to me. Re-examine if I'm really able to commit myself to this marathon thing at this time in my life. IDK. Maybe I need to pass on fall races. Maybe I need to look at spring time races. Just need to work it all out.
Just feeling like an inferior runner who is also putting in an inferior effort.
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