Relationships? What does that have to do with Love, Laugh, Sweat, and Fuel? Throughout my life, I've always been pretty quite. Kept to myself. Made sure to please everyone. Tried my hardest in everything. Consumed things that I didn't want because it might make someone feel bad. Let people treat me in a way that was not acceptable. Didn't want to make anyone mad! Now don't get me wrong. I'm pretty much the same person as I was 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago.
There are a few differences, though. Twenty years ago, I could pick up the phone. Call any one of many friends and talk for hours. Fifteen years ago, I could pick up the phone. Call one of several friends and talk for hours. Ten year ago, I could pick up the phone. Call one of a few friends and talk for hours. Now a days, I could pick up the phone. And well, I'll end up on Facebook. I know that sounds pathetic. Don't feel bad for me. That isn't what this post is about.
Over the past 6 1/2 years, Jen has re-done her life. Slowly changing the way she thinks. Slowly changing the way she deals with things. Slowly changing the way she eats. Slowly changing the way she behaves. Slowly changing the way she thinks. Along that journey, some of my relationships have "morphed". And, honestly, several have disappeared. From time to time, I have sat back and reflected on those "missing" relationships. After having been told everything from ... I feel like your judging me. Right down to ... I just don't know you anymore.
I've always been one of those people that is hard to get to know. Trust me, I have a large number of people in my life that know nothing about me. And the reason for that is one of two things.....1. They haven't taken the time or 2. I haven't given them the opportunity. And I have found that with my "lifestyle change" it hasn't made it any easier. I believe that the changes I've made are for the better. There is no turning back. The way I feel out weighs any relationship (not counting the relationship with my husband or children). I don't know whether seeing me make the necessary changes made others uncomfortable. In a way that made them question themselves. Or, as some have told me, that it made others jealous. I really don't know.
I'm still pretty quite and keep to myself. I don't worry about making others happy. I make sure I'm happy. I don't consume anything that I don't want. And I will not let you treat me badly. What I"m trying to get at is that relationships come and go but you will always be here. You must do what is right for you. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of. Let no one tell you differently. Expect only the best. And do right by yourself!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
What a year can do?, part II
Yes, today may only be February 28, 2012. Yes, it is leap year. But for me February is over. This month has been rough! And I'm very glad to see it go. There will be some changes to my posts in the What can a year do? series. And I have made some changes to my over-all routine.
Out with the weigh and measure. Sorry, I tried. I'm not a tracker. At least not at this point in my journey. As strange as it may sound, I felt a lot of pressure from it. And I found myself thinking about food all day long. I'm a natural kinda girl. And as I mentioned a few posts ago, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. Truth be told ... I've already cheated.
My homemade butter was not made with fresh cream. Nor was it organic or natural. Sometimes $$ wins out. I really wanted to try making it. And I wasn't sure we would love it. So, the cheaper product won out. Otherwise, I've been good. I am comfortable and confident in the knowledge that I can just grab some thing when I'm hungry and not feel anxiety over it. Which I did during the weigh and measure phase. We must do what works for us.
Also, I will be removing my weight from the measurements. Unless that is something that the readers would like for me to continue to include. In the year 2011, I stood on a scale roughly 4 times. I truly don't care what that number says. I go by feel. I go by look. I go by clothes. I will continue to add it if you would like. It is interesting that I would go by clothing. Trust me that is not by the size. At 256 pounds, I wore a size 16. Today and at my lowest of 183, I wear/wore a size 14. On a RARE occasion, I may get lucky enough to rock a 12. You answer me how someone drops 70 - 75 lbs. and only one dress size.
The GOOD. The BAD. The UGLY.
1-30-12 2-28-12
Neck 14 5/8 14 5/8
Arm R 14 3/4 L 14 1/2 R 15 L 14 3/4
Thigh R 24 L R 24 1/2 L 24
Calf R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2 R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2
Waist 37 7/8 38 1/2
Weight 188 186
Taken today.......
Of course, he is busy taking these kind of pics. I really need to get someone else to take photos of me.
Does anyone out there know how embarrassing it is to share this kind of stuff. I'm putting myself out there. Why not? I've been judged for less. And if my trials and tribulations can help someone out ... that makes it all worth it! I'm done with the .......
I'm at shuttuppa. I'm at puttuppa. I'm hitting March like a lion. And leaving it like one also!
Out with the weigh and measure. Sorry, I tried. I'm not a tracker. At least not at this point in my journey. As strange as it may sound, I felt a lot of pressure from it. And I found myself thinking about food all day long. I'm a natural kinda girl. And as I mentioned a few posts ago, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. Truth be told ... I've already cheated.
My homemade butter was not made with fresh cream. Nor was it organic or natural. Sometimes $$ wins out. I really wanted to try making it. And I wasn't sure we would love it. So, the cheaper product won out. Otherwise, I've been good. I am comfortable and confident in the knowledge that I can just grab some thing when I'm hungry and not feel anxiety over it. Which I did during the weigh and measure phase. We must do what works for us.
Also, I will be removing my weight from the measurements. Unless that is something that the readers would like for me to continue to include. In the year 2011, I stood on a scale roughly 4 times. I truly don't care what that number says. I go by feel. I go by look. I go by clothes. I will continue to add it if you would like. It is interesting that I would go by clothing. Trust me that is not by the size. At 256 pounds, I wore a size 16. Today and at my lowest of 183, I wear/wore a size 14. On a RARE occasion, I may get lucky enough to rock a 12. You answer me how someone drops 70 - 75 lbs. and only one dress size.
The GOOD. The BAD. The UGLY.
1-30-12 2-28-12
Neck 14 5/8 14 5/8
Arm R 14 3/4 L 14 1/2 R 15 L 14 3/4
Thigh R 24 L R 24 1/2 L 24
Calf R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2 R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2
Waist 37 7/8 38 1/2
Weight 188 186
Taken today.......
My thought was instead of weight, how about arm pics? I know that sounds corny. There is definition in them in person but all be damned if I can get it to show up in pics so that is my goal!
 |
| It is there! Trust me! If you can tell me an exercise to do in order to banish my double chin, I'd appreciate that! |
 |
| My husband swears you can see definition in person from this angle! |
Of course, he is busy taking these kind of pics. I really need to get someone else to take photos of me.
Does anyone out there know how embarrassing it is to share this kind of stuff. I'm putting myself out there. Why not? I've been judged for less. And if my trials and tribulations can help someone out ... that makes it all worth it! I'm done with the .......
I'm at shuttuppa. I'm at puttuppa. I'm hitting March like a lion. And leaving it like one also!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Life is like a box of chocolates.....
You know what comes next! Let me tell you February has been a box of those crappy hard jelly filled chocolates. You know the ones that no matter how hard you try, you just aren't breaking the jelly up real well. And you have no idea what flavor it was meant to be. I visited Pityville. I was a terrible parent to my daughter who deserved more....or at least I thought that. The train derailed again. Got back on track. And, honestly, I could go on and on.
I looked in the mirror and didnt' like what was looking back. Which now that I think about it is amazing! I weigh around 6 pounds more than I did right around my marathon last year. Only 6 pounds. Feels like 20 to me. After much soul searching and a conversation with a good friend, I realize that what I see is the difference between last fall and now. Last fall = P90X religiously daily + what was required in marathon training. Now = P90X about 5 days a week + 5 to 15 miles a week. And I have a 1/2 marathon in April that I MUST get ready for. Just reading that you know there has to be a difference! Guess which one I liked better. My a@@ is in gear!
I know better than to eat my emotions but we all do it at some times. When I was down about being a bad parent, I indulged in white potatoes every single day for 7 days. Seriously! I didn't medicate with crap but I medicated with starch/sugar. Kinda sad! Right at this very moment in time, I am fighting the urge to get in our SUV. Drive to the dollar store. And purchase chocolate. I'm wanting to feed my emotions about our car. The money sucking piece of crap. Since the mention of a new vehicle over Christmas break, it has been a down hill slide of epic proportions. Sucking dollar after dollar of my husbands hard earned money. And now today .... we were told the transmission is shot.
I'm hitting March like a LION. And I'm going to leave it like one also.
I looked in the mirror and didnt' like what was looking back. Which now that I think about it is amazing! I weigh around 6 pounds more than I did right around my marathon last year. Only 6 pounds. Feels like 20 to me. After much soul searching and a conversation with a good friend, I realize that what I see is the difference between last fall and now. Last fall = P90X religiously daily + what was required in marathon training. Now = P90X about 5 days a week + 5 to 15 miles a week. And I have a 1/2 marathon in April that I MUST get ready for. Just reading that you know there has to be a difference! Guess which one I liked better. My a@@ is in gear!
I know better than to eat my emotions but we all do it at some times. When I was down about being a bad parent, I indulged in white potatoes every single day for 7 days. Seriously! I didn't medicate with crap but I medicated with starch/sugar. Kinda sad! Right at this very moment in time, I am fighting the urge to get in our SUV. Drive to the dollar store. And purchase chocolate. I'm wanting to feed my emotions about our car. The money sucking piece of crap. Since the mention of a new vehicle over Christmas break, it has been a down hill slide of epic proportions. Sucking dollar after dollar of my husbands hard earned money. And now today .... we were told the transmission is shot.
I can tell you what I want to shoot. I have fought my urge to medicate with chocolate today. And I will continue to battle it tonight. I will win. That I can guarantee. I haven't been this focused on what I need to do for me in quite some time. I will not waiver. I will not waffle. Hum....waffles sound good! Tomorrow is my third check-in for my "What can a year do" challenge. It will be like a Clint Eastwood movie. Specifically, The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly. But all I can think of is the saying ... March comes in like a lion, and leaves like a lamb. I'm tired of the past month. I'm ready to get rid of it.
I'm hitting March like a LION. And I'm going to leave it like one also.
You with me?!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Last year
While researching races, I came across the Athena and Clydesdale division information. Now for those that don't know many large races offer these divisions. Both of these are basically weight categories. The Athena is for women that weigh ... wait for it ... 150 lbs. or more. Clydesdale is for men that weigh ... wait for it ... 200 lbs. or more. Now, I'm not going to lie just the thought of adding Clydesdale to a category, whether men or women, I just found offensive. I didn't research as to why Athena was chosen for women.
It bothered me that anyone over a certain weight could be placed in a "special division". Better yet, 150 pounds. No joke .. I weighed in at 154 lbs. for my 7th grade basketball physical. I know that has been "light years" ago but you don't forget getting weighed in front of all your friends. Let alone the nurse stating, very loudly, "We are going to weigh you again. There is no way that you weigh that much!" Isn't that an experience everyone would want?
During a conversation one day, I found out a friend of mine has run in the Clydesdale division a number of times. And has won them. So he brought home a little prize on top of the medal and sense of accomplishment. I kinda get it now. Now, one would ask why in the world was she thinking of this today? Who actually thinks of draft horses on a daily basis? Not normally me. But today was the exception.
I went out again for a run/jog/walk. Actually when I set out there was no real plan. You see my legs were still hurting from yesterday. I headed for my Nemesis. Momma came along. I told her my legs hurt and I didn't know what I was actually doing. We struck out on a path of a little under 5 miles. I felt the need to run. So, I ran. That is where the Clydesdale comes into play. Because my legs hurt, I was running really weird. Have you ever seen the Budweiser Clydesdale's in person? They STOMP the ground flat footed. And that is what I was doing today.
I immediately started to think about the Clydesdale division. My thought was this isn't what they were talking about! But I continued on. Because it was so "out of whack", I started to develop a blister at around 2 miles. I kept going. After a certain time my foot hurt so bad that I walked. Then my legs would hurt. So, I ran. And so went the last 2 miles. A long 2 miles. A very long 2 miles. I finished a little under a 1/2 mile in front of Momma. That is pretty standard. I removed my shoes and went out to get her. Yep, in my socks!
So, I leave today with the thought of a Clydesdale. A majestic beauty. Full of power. Brimming with strength. Heck, I could think of a worse animal to compare myself to! Maybe a water buffalo. Heifer. Three-toed sloth. Wait a minute! Hold the door! Sometimes my runs could be compared to a three-toed sloth!
I'm thankful for ...... 1. That tomorrow is a non-run day and 2. Large bandaids!
It bothered me that anyone over a certain weight could be placed in a "special division". Better yet, 150 pounds. No joke .. I weighed in at 154 lbs. for my 7th grade basketball physical. I know that has been "light years" ago but you don't forget getting weighed in front of all your friends. Let alone the nurse stating, very loudly, "We are going to weigh you again. There is no way that you weigh that much!" Isn't that an experience everyone would want?
During a conversation one day, I found out a friend of mine has run in the Clydesdale division a number of times. And has won them. So he brought home a little prize on top of the medal and sense of accomplishment. I kinda get it now. Now, one would ask why in the world was she thinking of this today? Who actually thinks of draft horses on a daily basis? Not normally me. But today was the exception.
I went out again for a run/jog/walk. Actually when I set out there was no real plan. You see my legs were still hurting from yesterday. I headed for my Nemesis. Momma came along. I told her my legs hurt and I didn't know what I was actually doing. We struck out on a path of a little under 5 miles. I felt the need to run. So, I ran. That is where the Clydesdale comes into play. Because my legs hurt, I was running really weird. Have you ever seen the Budweiser Clydesdale's in person? They STOMP the ground flat footed. And that is what I was doing today.
I immediately started to think about the Clydesdale division. My thought was this isn't what they were talking about! But I continued on. Because it was so "out of whack", I started to develop a blister at around 2 miles. I kept going. After a certain time my foot hurt so bad that I walked. Then my legs would hurt. So, I ran. And so went the last 2 miles. A long 2 miles. A very long 2 miles. I finished a little under a 1/2 mile in front of Momma. That is pretty standard. I removed my shoes and went out to get her. Yep, in my socks!
So, I leave today with the thought of a Clydesdale. A majestic beauty. Full of power. Brimming with strength. Heck, I could think of a worse animal to compare myself to! Maybe a water buffalo. Heifer. Three-toed sloth. Wait a minute! Hold the door! Sometimes my runs could be compared to a three-toed sloth!
I'm thankful for ...... 1. That tomorrow is a non-run day and 2. Large bandaids!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
My day ...
First .. meditation. There are so many benefits to daily meditation. Maybe I'll cover that later in the week.
Second .. P90X Ab Ripper.
Third ..
Yep, that is me! Outside and by myself! 53 degrees meant Jen must go outside. I called my Momma to ask but she had an appointment. So, I made a dual purpose trip. Grocery store and run. I hit Thompson Park for a little 4 mile jaunt. Started with the upper loop and then added the bigger one. UGH! How I had forgotten just what a killer that hill can be. Not so bad if you drop down on the poolside and come up the other. But you know me! I had to go the other way. Done felt great. Pace was slow. There is no turning back now.
and Fourth ...
Take this
Simple! Add your cream (any cream, any amount) to you blender or mixer. Next time will be fresh cream but cheapness won out on the first try. What if we didn't like it? I used the whisk attachment. And on medium high speed and let it go to town. After about 6 to 10 minutes the butter and milk will separate. Let sit a few minutes and then drain the milk off. "Mush" to squeeze any excess milk out. There you have pretty soft butter. Now, you're not finished. Place ice cold water and blend for about 20 seconds. Drain off water and "mush" again. That is it! If you want salted butter just mix in a little sea salt. Melted great! Tasted great! And is soft enough to spread on toast! If you give it a try let me know what you think! Recipe came from Food Renegade website.
There was other stuff in there but those are the highlights. Have a great evening!
Second .. P90X Ab Ripper.
Third ..
Yep, that is me! Outside and by myself! 53 degrees meant Jen must go outside. I called my Momma to ask but she had an appointment. So, I made a dual purpose trip. Grocery store and run. I hit Thompson Park for a little 4 mile jaunt. Started with the upper loop and then added the bigger one. UGH! How I had forgotten just what a killer that hill can be. Not so bad if you drop down on the poolside and come up the other. But you know me! I had to go the other way. Done felt great. Pace was slow. There is no turning back now.
and Fourth ...
Take this
 |
| (any cream) and |
Add to this
 |
For about 6 to 10 minutes and get  Yummy homemade butter! |
Simple! Add your cream (any cream, any amount) to you blender or mixer. Next time will be fresh cream but cheapness won out on the first try. What if we didn't like it? I used the whisk attachment. And on medium high speed and let it go to town. After about 6 to 10 minutes the butter and milk will separate. Let sit a few minutes and then drain the milk off. "Mush" to squeeze any excess milk out. There you have pretty soft butter. Now, you're not finished. Place ice cold water and blend for about 20 seconds. Drain off water and "mush" again. That is it! If you want salted butter just mix in a little sea salt. Melted great! Tasted great! And is soft enough to spread on toast! If you give it a try let me know what you think! Recipe came from Food Renegade website.
There was other stuff in there but those are the highlights. Have a great evening!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Blahs continued .... (might contain language)
You know there really hasn't been much Love, Laugh, or Sweating going on here lately! I hate to admit that. I think if you're a reader that statement doesn't shock you. At least not a whole lot. Seriously, I've needed to give myself a swift kick in the a@@. There hasn't been this much of a derailment since I was sick last year.
Yesterday, I came across this .......
Now you see, I know all of this. And I haven't been kicking any donuts around here. But there really hasn't been a lot of effort. Genetics play a little factor in my current body issues. Trust me! If you saw the array of bodies in my family ... there would be agreement on your end. Lately, I'm suffering from the BLAHS. Normally this happens in February after the weather has been craptastic. And I haven't been able to get out. But my daughter is playing a factor in this BLAH. I was once told that teaching girls is easier. THEY LIED TO ME! But that is a story for another day!
I read the poster and said to myself ..... Self, you haven't been seriously putting in work so you don't have a right to complain. Then and there, I hatched a plan that contained four goals for today. I set my alarm for 5:15 am. My first goal was to get up then. When I say get up ... I mean actually get out of bed. I mentioned the other day that hasn't happened lately. That alarm went off and I jumped out of bed. Literally. My second goal was to meditate. I used to do it daily for MONTHS. But have gotten out of it. There I sat with nothing on my mind. Eyes closed. In position. When my time was up ... GOODNESS GRACIOUS DID I FEEL GOOD! I can't explain how much better I feel. I truly feel like my mind, body, and spirit are in a place they haven't been for months.
My third goal was to deal with my "diet". Earlier in the year, I had planned to weigh, measure, and log all of my nutritional intake. That isn't me right now. Truthfully, I was fighting it. I would maybe weigh or measure. But not log. Or log. But not weigh and measure. You get it. I know there will come a time when I need to do that. Right now isn't it. Today, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. This is up my alley! It might make eating out interesting but I can handle it. If it isn't real .. it isn't passing my lips. Go ahead and start taking bets as to when I "cheat" first.
Fourth was to remind myself of ...... my 2012 motto ......
NO MATTER THE AMOUNT OF WORK NEEDED, I WILL GET THAT 750+ MILES.
Yesterday, I came across this .......
Now you see, I know all of this. And I haven't been kicking any donuts around here. But there really hasn't been a lot of effort. Genetics play a little factor in my current body issues. Trust me! If you saw the array of bodies in my family ... there would be agreement on your end. Lately, I'm suffering from the BLAHS. Normally this happens in February after the weather has been craptastic. And I haven't been able to get out. But my daughter is playing a factor in this BLAH. I was once told that teaching girls is easier. THEY LIED TO ME! But that is a story for another day!
I read the poster and said to myself ..... Self, you haven't been seriously putting in work so you don't have a right to complain. Then and there, I hatched a plan that contained four goals for today. I set my alarm for 5:15 am. My first goal was to get up then. When I say get up ... I mean actually get out of bed. I mentioned the other day that hasn't happened lately. That alarm went off and I jumped out of bed. Literally. My second goal was to meditate. I used to do it daily for MONTHS. But have gotten out of it. There I sat with nothing on my mind. Eyes closed. In position. When my time was up ... GOODNESS GRACIOUS DID I FEEL GOOD! I can't explain how much better I feel. I truly feel like my mind, body, and spirit are in a place they haven't been for months.
My third goal was to deal with my "diet". Earlier in the year, I had planned to weigh, measure, and log all of my nutritional intake. That isn't me right now. Truthfully, I was fighting it. I would maybe weigh or measure. But not log. Or log. But not weigh and measure. You get it. I know there will come a time when I need to do that. Right now isn't it. Today, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. This is up my alley! It might make eating out interesting but I can handle it. If it isn't real .. it isn't passing my lips. Go ahead and start taking bets as to when I "cheat" first.
Fourth was to remind myself of ...... my 2012 motto ......
I have specific goals for myself. That were set out earlier in the year. I re-read them. I want them. If the work is not put in ... no goals will be reached. I set a goal of 750+ running mile for 2012. I'm getting that. Here and now, listen to me say ...
NO MATTER THE AMOUNT OF WORK NEEDED, I WILL GET THAT 750+ MILES.
I'm worth the work and effort. And I promise not to mention the Blahs anymore. I prepped my home for the food pledge. I prepped my running gear for the miles. I prepped my mind for what is to come. I plan to put my entire spirit into this. Time for "this girl to pull up her big girl gutchies and deal with things." Here I go!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I need......
Good evening! Well it has been almost a week since I was last in "blog world". Been pretty standard around here. You know the every day "stay-at-home" mom thing. Trust me that isn't going to excite anyone! I actually live Groundhogs' Day on many levels. I've been struggling a little. Some of you may remember my Pityville visit. Not to worry. I'm not back there. But do believe that I'm fully realizing why I was there. Over the past week, I've struggled with workouts. That normal 5 am ... became 5:15 am ... became 5:30 am ... became 5:45 am ... became 6 am. You see where this is going, right? Next thing I know I'm waking the kids up at 7 am in my jammies. NOT WHAT I LIKE! Beginning to think my "subconscious" is fighting the routine. Heck, I thought that sounded good! I've hit the FEBRUARY BLAHS.
I love my boyfriend and those workouts. I can still change them up. Adding more weights and going harder. But the running ... UGH! I need to get over this some what irrational fear of running outside alone. So, if you live in this neck o' the woods, when you see that crazy person running on the main road just know it is me! And please remember if you hit me ... make sure none of my clothing is stuck in your grill, on your side bumper, or anywhere else because I will track you down.
And on the food front .... and the ax drops! I'm not "crapping" it up. Don't worry! You aren't going to read that I'm eating a hot dog, Doritos, and boxed macaroni and cheese. BUT there has been no calorie counting, weighing measuring, etc. I eat healthy. I understand that. But in the past couple weeks, I've found myself having an internal fight about food. The more I try to weigh, measure, and count ... the more I either don't want to eat or the more I eat the "junky" healthy foods I have here. Now, I don't want anyone to think that I care what the number says. I actually only weighed myself four times last year. And don't really like weighing myself once a month for my "What can a year do?" I get that 80% of health & fitness is in the kitchen. And I struggle with that 80%! I want to get rid of fat. I have muscle. I have muscles. I want others to see them. Honestly, I want to see them more!
Here is a "junky" food in my house .......
Snikiddy snacks. We highly recommend them. No corn syrup. Gluten & Wheat free. No hydrogenated oils. No trans fat. No preservatives. Low in saturated fat. Now don't they sound lovely? Kinda like styrofoam balls. No really. They are excellent! These are Mac n' Cheese puffs. The kids love them. I like the baked fry snacks. Now as far as "junky" foods go ... it could be worse. Oh, I do have those homemade granola bars here also. Both crunchy and chewy ones. God, I need to stop!
Because I sit here looking in the mirror not liking what I'm seeing. I can tell a difference in a month. The scale doesn't show one. But my eyes see it. Using a race analogy .... I've always had this tendency to be heading for the finish line then stop. Slide back. Get almost there. Slide back. Get almost there. Like I am afraid to let myself get there. Like I don't think I'm worthy of crossing that line. I don't know it is just something ingrained in me. Something there. Something that I need to deal with. Something that I need to conquer. I need some help............................................
Got anything for me?
I love my boyfriend and those workouts. I can still change them up. Adding more weights and going harder. But the running ... UGH! I need to get over this some what irrational fear of running outside alone. So, if you live in this neck o' the woods, when you see that crazy person running on the main road just know it is me! And please remember if you hit me ... make sure none of my clothing is stuck in your grill, on your side bumper, or anywhere else because I will track you down.
And on the food front .... and the ax drops! I'm not "crapping" it up. Don't worry! You aren't going to read that I'm eating a hot dog, Doritos, and boxed macaroni and cheese. BUT there has been no calorie counting, weighing measuring, etc. I eat healthy. I understand that. But in the past couple weeks, I've found myself having an internal fight about food. The more I try to weigh, measure, and count ... the more I either don't want to eat or the more I eat the "junky" healthy foods I have here. Now, I don't want anyone to think that I care what the number says. I actually only weighed myself four times last year. And don't really like weighing myself once a month for my "What can a year do?" I get that 80% of health & fitness is in the kitchen. And I struggle with that 80%! I want to get rid of fat. I have muscle. I have muscles. I want others to see them. Honestly, I want to see them more!
Here is a "junky" food in my house .......
Snikiddy snacks. We highly recommend them. No corn syrup. Gluten & Wheat free. No hydrogenated oils. No trans fat. No preservatives. Low in saturated fat. Now don't they sound lovely? Kinda like styrofoam balls. No really. They are excellent! These are Mac n' Cheese puffs. The kids love them. I like the baked fry snacks. Now as far as "junky" foods go ... it could be worse. Oh, I do have those homemade granola bars here also. Both crunchy and chewy ones. God, I need to stop!
Because I sit here looking in the mirror not liking what I'm seeing. I can tell a difference in a month. The scale doesn't show one. But my eyes see it. Using a race analogy .... I've always had this tendency to be heading for the finish line then stop. Slide back. Get almost there. Slide back. Get almost there. Like I am afraid to let myself get there. Like I don't think I'm worthy of crossing that line. I don't know it is just something ingrained in me. Something there. Something that I need to deal with. Something that I need to conquer. I need some help............................................
Got anything for me?
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