Relationships? What does that have to do with Love, Laugh, Sweat, and Fuel? Throughout my life, I've always been pretty quite. Kept to myself. Made sure to please everyone. Tried my hardest in everything. Consumed things that I didn't want because it might make someone feel bad. Let people treat me in a way that was not acceptable. Didn't want to make anyone mad! Now don't get me wrong. I'm pretty much the same person as I was 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago.
There are a few differences, though. Twenty years ago, I could pick up the phone. Call any one of many friends and talk for hours. Fifteen years ago, I could pick up the phone. Call one of several friends and talk for hours. Ten year ago, I could pick up the phone. Call one of a few friends and talk for hours. Now a days, I could pick up the phone. And well, I'll end up on Facebook. I know that sounds pathetic. Don't feel bad for me. That isn't what this post is about.
Over the past 6 1/2 years, Jen has re-done her life. Slowly changing the way she thinks. Slowly changing the way she deals with things. Slowly changing the way she eats. Slowly changing the way she behaves. Slowly changing the way she thinks. Along that journey, some of my relationships have "morphed". And, honestly, several have disappeared. From time to time, I have sat back and reflected on those "missing" relationships. After having been told everything from ... I feel like your judging me. Right down to ... I just don't know you anymore.
I've always been one of those people that is hard to get to know. Trust me, I have a large number of people in my life that know nothing about me. And the reason for that is one of two things.....1. They haven't taken the time or 2. I haven't given them the opportunity. And I have found that with my "lifestyle change" it hasn't made it any easier. I believe that the changes I've made are for the better. There is no turning back. The way I feel out weighs any relationship (not counting the relationship with my husband or children). I don't know whether seeing me make the necessary changes made others uncomfortable. In a way that made them question themselves. Or, as some have told me, that it made others jealous. I really don't know.
I'm still pretty quite and keep to myself. I don't worry about making others happy. I make sure I'm happy. I don't consume anything that I don't want. And I will not let you treat me badly. What I"m trying to get at is that relationships come and go but you will always be here. You must do what is right for you. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of. Let no one tell you differently. Expect only the best. And do right by yourself!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
What a year can do?, part II
Yes, today may only be February 28, 2012. Yes, it is leap year. But for me February is over. This month has been rough! And I'm very glad to see it go. There will be some changes to my posts in the What can a year do? series. And I have made some changes to my over-all routine.
Out with the weigh and measure. Sorry, I tried. I'm not a tracker. At least not at this point in my journey. As strange as it may sound, I felt a lot of pressure from it. And I found myself thinking about food all day long. I'm a natural kinda girl. And as I mentioned a few posts ago, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. Truth be told ... I've already cheated.
My homemade butter was not made with fresh cream. Nor was it organic or natural. Sometimes $$ wins out. I really wanted to try making it. And I wasn't sure we would love it. So, the cheaper product won out. Otherwise, I've been good. I am comfortable and confident in the knowledge that I can just grab some thing when I'm hungry and not feel anxiety over it. Which I did during the weigh and measure phase. We must do what works for us.
Also, I will be removing my weight from the measurements. Unless that is something that the readers would like for me to continue to include. In the year 2011, I stood on a scale roughly 4 times. I truly don't care what that number says. I go by feel. I go by look. I go by clothes. I will continue to add it if you would like. It is interesting that I would go by clothing. Trust me that is not by the size. At 256 pounds, I wore a size 16. Today and at my lowest of 183, I wear/wore a size 14. On a RARE occasion, I may get lucky enough to rock a 12. You answer me how someone drops 70 - 75 lbs. and only one dress size.
The GOOD. The BAD. The UGLY.
1-30-12 2-28-12
Neck 14 5/8 14 5/8
Arm R 14 3/4 L 14 1/2 R 15 L 14 3/4
Thigh R 24 L R 24 1/2 L 24
Calf R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2 R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2
Waist 37 7/8 38 1/2
Weight 188 186
Taken today.......
Of course, he is busy taking these kind of pics. I really need to get someone else to take photos of me.
Does anyone out there know how embarrassing it is to share this kind of stuff. I'm putting myself out there. Why not? I've been judged for less. And if my trials and tribulations can help someone out ... that makes it all worth it! I'm done with the .......
I'm at shuttuppa. I'm at puttuppa. I'm hitting March like a lion. And leaving it like one also!
Out with the weigh and measure. Sorry, I tried. I'm not a tracker. At least not at this point in my journey. As strange as it may sound, I felt a lot of pressure from it. And I found myself thinking about food all day long. I'm a natural kinda girl. And as I mentioned a few posts ago, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. Truth be told ... I've already cheated.
My homemade butter was not made with fresh cream. Nor was it organic or natural. Sometimes $$ wins out. I really wanted to try making it. And I wasn't sure we would love it. So, the cheaper product won out. Otherwise, I've been good. I am comfortable and confident in the knowledge that I can just grab some thing when I'm hungry and not feel anxiety over it. Which I did during the weigh and measure phase. We must do what works for us.
Also, I will be removing my weight from the measurements. Unless that is something that the readers would like for me to continue to include. In the year 2011, I stood on a scale roughly 4 times. I truly don't care what that number says. I go by feel. I go by look. I go by clothes. I will continue to add it if you would like. It is interesting that I would go by clothing. Trust me that is not by the size. At 256 pounds, I wore a size 16. Today and at my lowest of 183, I wear/wore a size 14. On a RARE occasion, I may get lucky enough to rock a 12. You answer me how someone drops 70 - 75 lbs. and only one dress size.
The GOOD. The BAD. The UGLY.
1-30-12 2-28-12
Neck 14 5/8 14 5/8
Arm R 14 3/4 L 14 1/2 R 15 L 14 3/4
Thigh R 24 L R 24 1/2 L 24
Calf R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2 R 16 1/2 L 16 1/2
Waist 37 7/8 38 1/2
Weight 188 186
Taken today.......
My thought was instead of weight, how about arm pics? I know that sounds corny. There is definition in them in person but all be damned if I can get it to show up in pics so that is my goal!
 |
| It is there! Trust me! If you can tell me an exercise to do in order to banish my double chin, I'd appreciate that! |
 |
| My husband swears you can see definition in person from this angle! |
Of course, he is busy taking these kind of pics. I really need to get someone else to take photos of me.
Does anyone out there know how embarrassing it is to share this kind of stuff. I'm putting myself out there. Why not? I've been judged for less. And if my trials and tribulations can help someone out ... that makes it all worth it! I'm done with the .......
I'm at shuttuppa. I'm at puttuppa. I'm hitting March like a lion. And leaving it like one also!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Life is like a box of chocolates.....
You know what comes next! Let me tell you February has been a box of those crappy hard jelly filled chocolates. You know the ones that no matter how hard you try, you just aren't breaking the jelly up real well. And you have no idea what flavor it was meant to be. I visited Pityville. I was a terrible parent to my daughter who deserved more....or at least I thought that. The train derailed again. Got back on track. And, honestly, I could go on and on.
I looked in the mirror and didnt' like what was looking back. Which now that I think about it is amazing! I weigh around 6 pounds more than I did right around my marathon last year. Only 6 pounds. Feels like 20 to me. After much soul searching and a conversation with a good friend, I realize that what I see is the difference between last fall and now. Last fall = P90X religiously daily + what was required in marathon training. Now = P90X about 5 days a week + 5 to 15 miles a week. And I have a 1/2 marathon in April that I MUST get ready for. Just reading that you know there has to be a difference! Guess which one I liked better. My a@@ is in gear!
I know better than to eat my emotions but we all do it at some times. When I was down about being a bad parent, I indulged in white potatoes every single day for 7 days. Seriously! I didn't medicate with crap but I medicated with starch/sugar. Kinda sad! Right at this very moment in time, I am fighting the urge to get in our SUV. Drive to the dollar store. And purchase chocolate. I'm wanting to feed my emotions about our car. The money sucking piece of crap. Since the mention of a new vehicle over Christmas break, it has been a down hill slide of epic proportions. Sucking dollar after dollar of my husbands hard earned money. And now today .... we were told the transmission is shot.
I'm hitting March like a LION. And I'm going to leave it like one also.
I looked in the mirror and didnt' like what was looking back. Which now that I think about it is amazing! I weigh around 6 pounds more than I did right around my marathon last year. Only 6 pounds. Feels like 20 to me. After much soul searching and a conversation with a good friend, I realize that what I see is the difference between last fall and now. Last fall = P90X religiously daily + what was required in marathon training. Now = P90X about 5 days a week + 5 to 15 miles a week. And I have a 1/2 marathon in April that I MUST get ready for. Just reading that you know there has to be a difference! Guess which one I liked better. My a@@ is in gear!
I know better than to eat my emotions but we all do it at some times. When I was down about being a bad parent, I indulged in white potatoes every single day for 7 days. Seriously! I didn't medicate with crap but I medicated with starch/sugar. Kinda sad! Right at this very moment in time, I am fighting the urge to get in our SUV. Drive to the dollar store. And purchase chocolate. I'm wanting to feed my emotions about our car. The money sucking piece of crap. Since the mention of a new vehicle over Christmas break, it has been a down hill slide of epic proportions. Sucking dollar after dollar of my husbands hard earned money. And now today .... we were told the transmission is shot.
I can tell you what I want to shoot. I have fought my urge to medicate with chocolate today. And I will continue to battle it tonight. I will win. That I can guarantee. I haven't been this focused on what I need to do for me in quite some time. I will not waiver. I will not waffle. Hum....waffles sound good! Tomorrow is my third check-in for my "What can a year do" challenge. It will be like a Clint Eastwood movie. Specifically, The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly. But all I can think of is the saying ... March comes in like a lion, and leaves like a lamb. I'm tired of the past month. I'm ready to get rid of it.
I'm hitting March like a LION. And I'm going to leave it like one also.
You with me?!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Last year
While researching races, I came across the Athena and Clydesdale division information. Now for those that don't know many large races offer these divisions. Both of these are basically weight categories. The Athena is for women that weigh ... wait for it ... 150 lbs. or more. Clydesdale is for men that weigh ... wait for it ... 200 lbs. or more. Now, I'm not going to lie just the thought of adding Clydesdale to a category, whether men or women, I just found offensive. I didn't research as to why Athena was chosen for women.
It bothered me that anyone over a certain weight could be placed in a "special division". Better yet, 150 pounds. No joke .. I weighed in at 154 lbs. for my 7th grade basketball physical. I know that has been "light years" ago but you don't forget getting weighed in front of all your friends. Let alone the nurse stating, very loudly, "We are going to weigh you again. There is no way that you weigh that much!" Isn't that an experience everyone would want?
During a conversation one day, I found out a friend of mine has run in the Clydesdale division a number of times. And has won them. So he brought home a little prize on top of the medal and sense of accomplishment. I kinda get it now. Now, one would ask why in the world was she thinking of this today? Who actually thinks of draft horses on a daily basis? Not normally me. But today was the exception.
I went out again for a run/jog/walk. Actually when I set out there was no real plan. You see my legs were still hurting from yesterday. I headed for my Nemesis. Momma came along. I told her my legs hurt and I didn't know what I was actually doing. We struck out on a path of a little under 5 miles. I felt the need to run. So, I ran. That is where the Clydesdale comes into play. Because my legs hurt, I was running really weird. Have you ever seen the Budweiser Clydesdale's in person? They STOMP the ground flat footed. And that is what I was doing today.
I immediately started to think about the Clydesdale division. My thought was this isn't what they were talking about! But I continued on. Because it was so "out of whack", I started to develop a blister at around 2 miles. I kept going. After a certain time my foot hurt so bad that I walked. Then my legs would hurt. So, I ran. And so went the last 2 miles. A long 2 miles. A very long 2 miles. I finished a little under a 1/2 mile in front of Momma. That is pretty standard. I removed my shoes and went out to get her. Yep, in my socks!
So, I leave today with the thought of a Clydesdale. A majestic beauty. Full of power. Brimming with strength. Heck, I could think of a worse animal to compare myself to! Maybe a water buffalo. Heifer. Three-toed sloth. Wait a minute! Hold the door! Sometimes my runs could be compared to a three-toed sloth!
I'm thankful for ...... 1. That tomorrow is a non-run day and 2. Large bandaids!
It bothered me that anyone over a certain weight could be placed in a "special division". Better yet, 150 pounds. No joke .. I weighed in at 154 lbs. for my 7th grade basketball physical. I know that has been "light years" ago but you don't forget getting weighed in front of all your friends. Let alone the nurse stating, very loudly, "We are going to weigh you again. There is no way that you weigh that much!" Isn't that an experience everyone would want?
During a conversation one day, I found out a friend of mine has run in the Clydesdale division a number of times. And has won them. So he brought home a little prize on top of the medal and sense of accomplishment. I kinda get it now. Now, one would ask why in the world was she thinking of this today? Who actually thinks of draft horses on a daily basis? Not normally me. But today was the exception.
I went out again for a run/jog/walk. Actually when I set out there was no real plan. You see my legs were still hurting from yesterday. I headed for my Nemesis. Momma came along. I told her my legs hurt and I didn't know what I was actually doing. We struck out on a path of a little under 5 miles. I felt the need to run. So, I ran. That is where the Clydesdale comes into play. Because my legs hurt, I was running really weird. Have you ever seen the Budweiser Clydesdale's in person? They STOMP the ground flat footed. And that is what I was doing today.
I immediately started to think about the Clydesdale division. My thought was this isn't what they were talking about! But I continued on. Because it was so "out of whack", I started to develop a blister at around 2 miles. I kept going. After a certain time my foot hurt so bad that I walked. Then my legs would hurt. So, I ran. And so went the last 2 miles. A long 2 miles. A very long 2 miles. I finished a little under a 1/2 mile in front of Momma. That is pretty standard. I removed my shoes and went out to get her. Yep, in my socks!
So, I leave today with the thought of a Clydesdale. A majestic beauty. Full of power. Brimming with strength. Heck, I could think of a worse animal to compare myself to! Maybe a water buffalo. Heifer. Three-toed sloth. Wait a minute! Hold the door! Sometimes my runs could be compared to a three-toed sloth!
I'm thankful for ...... 1. That tomorrow is a non-run day and 2. Large bandaids!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
My day ...
First .. meditation. There are so many benefits to daily meditation. Maybe I'll cover that later in the week.
Second .. P90X Ab Ripper.
Third ..
Yep, that is me! Outside and by myself! 53 degrees meant Jen must go outside. I called my Momma to ask but she had an appointment. So, I made a dual purpose trip. Grocery store and run. I hit Thompson Park for a little 4 mile jaunt. Started with the upper loop and then added the bigger one. UGH! How I had forgotten just what a killer that hill can be. Not so bad if you drop down on the poolside and come up the other. But you know me! I had to go the other way. Done felt great. Pace was slow. There is no turning back now.
and Fourth ...
Take this
Simple! Add your cream (any cream, any amount) to you blender or mixer. Next time will be fresh cream but cheapness won out on the first try. What if we didn't like it? I used the whisk attachment. And on medium high speed and let it go to town. After about 6 to 10 minutes the butter and milk will separate. Let sit a few minutes and then drain the milk off. "Mush" to squeeze any excess milk out. There you have pretty soft butter. Now, you're not finished. Place ice cold water and blend for about 20 seconds. Drain off water and "mush" again. That is it! If you want salted butter just mix in a little sea salt. Melted great! Tasted great! And is soft enough to spread on toast! If you give it a try let me know what you think! Recipe came from Food Renegade website.
There was other stuff in there but those are the highlights. Have a great evening!
Second .. P90X Ab Ripper.
Third ..
Yep, that is me! Outside and by myself! 53 degrees meant Jen must go outside. I called my Momma to ask but she had an appointment. So, I made a dual purpose trip. Grocery store and run. I hit Thompson Park for a little 4 mile jaunt. Started with the upper loop and then added the bigger one. UGH! How I had forgotten just what a killer that hill can be. Not so bad if you drop down on the poolside and come up the other. But you know me! I had to go the other way. Done felt great. Pace was slow. There is no turning back now.
and Fourth ...
Take this
 |
| (any cream) and |
Add to this
 |
For about 6 to 10 minutes and get  Yummy homemade butter! |
Simple! Add your cream (any cream, any amount) to you blender or mixer. Next time will be fresh cream but cheapness won out on the first try. What if we didn't like it? I used the whisk attachment. And on medium high speed and let it go to town. After about 6 to 10 minutes the butter and milk will separate. Let sit a few minutes and then drain the milk off. "Mush" to squeeze any excess milk out. There you have pretty soft butter. Now, you're not finished. Place ice cold water and blend for about 20 seconds. Drain off water and "mush" again. That is it! If you want salted butter just mix in a little sea salt. Melted great! Tasted great! And is soft enough to spread on toast! If you give it a try let me know what you think! Recipe came from Food Renegade website.
There was other stuff in there but those are the highlights. Have a great evening!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Blahs continued .... (might contain language)
You know there really hasn't been much Love, Laugh, or Sweating going on here lately! I hate to admit that. I think if you're a reader that statement doesn't shock you. At least not a whole lot. Seriously, I've needed to give myself a swift kick in the a@@. There hasn't been this much of a derailment since I was sick last year.
Yesterday, I came across this .......
Now you see, I know all of this. And I haven't been kicking any donuts around here. But there really hasn't been a lot of effort. Genetics play a little factor in my current body issues. Trust me! If you saw the array of bodies in my family ... there would be agreement on your end. Lately, I'm suffering from the BLAHS. Normally this happens in February after the weather has been craptastic. And I haven't been able to get out. But my daughter is playing a factor in this BLAH. I was once told that teaching girls is easier. THEY LIED TO ME! But that is a story for another day!
I read the poster and said to myself ..... Self, you haven't been seriously putting in work so you don't have a right to complain. Then and there, I hatched a plan that contained four goals for today. I set my alarm for 5:15 am. My first goal was to get up then. When I say get up ... I mean actually get out of bed. I mentioned the other day that hasn't happened lately. That alarm went off and I jumped out of bed. Literally. My second goal was to meditate. I used to do it daily for MONTHS. But have gotten out of it. There I sat with nothing on my mind. Eyes closed. In position. When my time was up ... GOODNESS GRACIOUS DID I FEEL GOOD! I can't explain how much better I feel. I truly feel like my mind, body, and spirit are in a place they haven't been for months.
My third goal was to deal with my "diet". Earlier in the year, I had planned to weigh, measure, and log all of my nutritional intake. That isn't me right now. Truthfully, I was fighting it. I would maybe weigh or measure. But not log. Or log. But not weigh and measure. You get it. I know there will come a time when I need to do that. Right now isn't it. Today, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. This is up my alley! It might make eating out interesting but I can handle it. If it isn't real .. it isn't passing my lips. Go ahead and start taking bets as to when I "cheat" first.
Fourth was to remind myself of ...... my 2012 motto ......
NO MATTER THE AMOUNT OF WORK NEEDED, I WILL GET THAT 750+ MILES.
Yesterday, I came across this .......
Now you see, I know all of this. And I haven't been kicking any donuts around here. But there really hasn't been a lot of effort. Genetics play a little factor in my current body issues. Trust me! If you saw the array of bodies in my family ... there would be agreement on your end. Lately, I'm suffering from the BLAHS. Normally this happens in February after the weather has been craptastic. And I haven't been able to get out. But my daughter is playing a factor in this BLAH. I was once told that teaching girls is easier. THEY LIED TO ME! But that is a story for another day!
I read the poster and said to myself ..... Self, you haven't been seriously putting in work so you don't have a right to complain. Then and there, I hatched a plan that contained four goals for today. I set my alarm for 5:15 am. My first goal was to get up then. When I say get up ... I mean actually get out of bed. I mentioned the other day that hasn't happened lately. That alarm went off and I jumped out of bed. Literally. My second goal was to meditate. I used to do it daily for MONTHS. But have gotten out of it. There I sat with nothing on my mind. Eyes closed. In position. When my time was up ... GOODNESS GRACIOUS DID I FEEL GOOD! I can't explain how much better I feel. I truly feel like my mind, body, and spirit are in a place they haven't been for months.
My third goal was to deal with my "diet". Earlier in the year, I had planned to weigh, measure, and log all of my nutritional intake. That isn't me right now. Truthfully, I was fighting it. I would maybe weigh or measure. But not log. Or log. But not weigh and measure. You get it. I know there will come a time when I need to do that. Right now isn't it. Today, I signed up for the 100 day Real Food Pledge. This is up my alley! It might make eating out interesting but I can handle it. If it isn't real .. it isn't passing my lips. Go ahead and start taking bets as to when I "cheat" first.
Fourth was to remind myself of ...... my 2012 motto ......
I have specific goals for myself. That were set out earlier in the year. I re-read them. I want them. If the work is not put in ... no goals will be reached. I set a goal of 750+ running mile for 2012. I'm getting that. Here and now, listen to me say ...
NO MATTER THE AMOUNT OF WORK NEEDED, I WILL GET THAT 750+ MILES.
I'm worth the work and effort. And I promise not to mention the Blahs anymore. I prepped my home for the food pledge. I prepped my running gear for the miles. I prepped my mind for what is to come. I plan to put my entire spirit into this. Time for "this girl to pull up her big girl gutchies and deal with things." Here I go!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I need......
Good evening! Well it has been almost a week since I was last in "blog world". Been pretty standard around here. You know the every day "stay-at-home" mom thing. Trust me that isn't going to excite anyone! I actually live Groundhogs' Day on many levels. I've been struggling a little. Some of you may remember my Pityville visit. Not to worry. I'm not back there. But do believe that I'm fully realizing why I was there. Over the past week, I've struggled with workouts. That normal 5 am ... became 5:15 am ... became 5:30 am ... became 5:45 am ... became 6 am. You see where this is going, right? Next thing I know I'm waking the kids up at 7 am in my jammies. NOT WHAT I LIKE! Beginning to think my "subconscious" is fighting the routine. Heck, I thought that sounded good! I've hit the FEBRUARY BLAHS.
I love my boyfriend and those workouts. I can still change them up. Adding more weights and going harder. But the running ... UGH! I need to get over this some what irrational fear of running outside alone. So, if you live in this neck o' the woods, when you see that crazy person running on the main road just know it is me! And please remember if you hit me ... make sure none of my clothing is stuck in your grill, on your side bumper, or anywhere else because I will track you down.
And on the food front .... and the ax drops! I'm not "crapping" it up. Don't worry! You aren't going to read that I'm eating a hot dog, Doritos, and boxed macaroni and cheese. BUT there has been no calorie counting, weighing measuring, etc. I eat healthy. I understand that. But in the past couple weeks, I've found myself having an internal fight about food. The more I try to weigh, measure, and count ... the more I either don't want to eat or the more I eat the "junky" healthy foods I have here. Now, I don't want anyone to think that I care what the number says. I actually only weighed myself four times last year. And don't really like weighing myself once a month for my "What can a year do?" I get that 80% of health & fitness is in the kitchen. And I struggle with that 80%! I want to get rid of fat. I have muscle. I have muscles. I want others to see them. Honestly, I want to see them more!
Here is a "junky" food in my house .......
Snikiddy snacks. We highly recommend them. No corn syrup. Gluten & Wheat free. No hydrogenated oils. No trans fat. No preservatives. Low in saturated fat. Now don't they sound lovely? Kinda like styrofoam balls. No really. They are excellent! These are Mac n' Cheese puffs. The kids love them. I like the baked fry snacks. Now as far as "junky" foods go ... it could be worse. Oh, I do have those homemade granola bars here also. Both crunchy and chewy ones. God, I need to stop!
Because I sit here looking in the mirror not liking what I'm seeing. I can tell a difference in a month. The scale doesn't show one. But my eyes see it. Using a race analogy .... I've always had this tendency to be heading for the finish line then stop. Slide back. Get almost there. Slide back. Get almost there. Like I am afraid to let myself get there. Like I don't think I'm worthy of crossing that line. I don't know it is just something ingrained in me. Something there. Something that I need to deal with. Something that I need to conquer. I need some help............................................
Got anything for me?
I love my boyfriend and those workouts. I can still change them up. Adding more weights and going harder. But the running ... UGH! I need to get over this some what irrational fear of running outside alone. So, if you live in this neck o' the woods, when you see that crazy person running on the main road just know it is me! And please remember if you hit me ... make sure none of my clothing is stuck in your grill, on your side bumper, or anywhere else because I will track you down.
And on the food front .... and the ax drops! I'm not "crapping" it up. Don't worry! You aren't going to read that I'm eating a hot dog, Doritos, and boxed macaroni and cheese. BUT there has been no calorie counting, weighing measuring, etc. I eat healthy. I understand that. But in the past couple weeks, I've found myself having an internal fight about food. The more I try to weigh, measure, and count ... the more I either don't want to eat or the more I eat the "junky" healthy foods I have here. Now, I don't want anyone to think that I care what the number says. I actually only weighed myself four times last year. And don't really like weighing myself once a month for my "What can a year do?" I get that 80% of health & fitness is in the kitchen. And I struggle with that 80%! I want to get rid of fat. I have muscle. I have muscles. I want others to see them. Honestly, I want to see them more!
Here is a "junky" food in my house .......
Snikiddy snacks. We highly recommend them. No corn syrup. Gluten & Wheat free. No hydrogenated oils. No trans fat. No preservatives. Low in saturated fat. Now don't they sound lovely? Kinda like styrofoam balls. No really. They are excellent! These are Mac n' Cheese puffs. The kids love them. I like the baked fry snacks. Now as far as "junky" foods go ... it could be worse. Oh, I do have those homemade granola bars here also. Both crunchy and chewy ones. God, I need to stop!
Because I sit here looking in the mirror not liking what I'm seeing. I can tell a difference in a month. The scale doesn't show one. But my eyes see it. Using a race analogy .... I've always had this tendency to be heading for the finish line then stop. Slide back. Get almost there. Slide back. Get almost there. Like I am afraid to let myself get there. Like I don't think I'm worthy of crossing that line. I don't know it is just something ingrained in me. Something there. Something that I need to deal with. Something that I need to conquer. I need some help............................................
Got anything for me?
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Changes to our Run for Sherry
Hello! Yesterday was the virtual "Run for Sherry". I had planned for a little while that we would go out as a family for this 3 mile run. I knew with the kids that it would turn into a walk/jog/skip/run/complain type thing but it was what I wanted. The plan was after our morning appointments and basketball we would hit a three mile route over at our local lake around 11:30 am.
This is what it looked like outside at 11:45 am at our home......
and then this at 11:46 am.....
It went pretty much back and forth like that for HOURS. I mean HOURS. Now I am a pretty brave soul. And I have braved a pretty cold run before. But I just didnt' want my kids out there. The wind chills were in the single digits. It always feels cooler by the lake. And I was figuring about 40 to 45 minutes on a good day so this was going to take longer. I came up with another plan! We would hit the treadmill. This is how I planned for it to work. I would do 3 miles. Our kids could do 1 1/2 miles each ... they get bored on the treadmill, really who doesn't? And then my hubby could do 3 miles.
Unfortunately, no one else was really keen on this idea. Do you see how quickly my plans were garbaged? I wasn't going to let it stop me. I jumped on the treadmill. Went about 1 1/2 miles. As I stared out the window one thought kept running across my mind.....Why don't you go outside? I promptly jumped off, doned my cold weather gear, and headed out side. I have not ran outside alone since I heard about Sherry Arnold and her disappearance. This story really bothers me. I ran alone. I ran alone in some pretty secluded areas. I ran alone in some pretty secluded rural areas. I ran alone in on some pretty long runs. I do always have my phone and my trusty pepper spray. But as I stood in my driveway ready to go...I was apprehensive. My husband told me just to run up to the drive-thru where my father was and back. But I was apprehensive. I decided to do loops from our home around the bus garage and back. My husband told me that I would be okay.
I went on my little jaunt.....
And it was dang cold out! I had passerbys honk. Look in amazement. And point but I went out. And you know what ... it felt great to be out there. I put in my 3 miles for Sherry. Now, I must work on getting out there again. By myself. On the road. I'll get back out there and join the running community. It really is a community of sorts. One that I'm proud to say I'm part of. I'll start with the 2 mile up and back to the drive-thru....someone from my family (immediate/extended) is always there. Plus it willl make my Momma happy that Daddy can see me at the 1/2 way point......
This is what it looked like outside at 11:45 am at our home......
and then this at 11:46 am.....
It went pretty much back and forth like that for HOURS. I mean HOURS. Now I am a pretty brave soul. And I have braved a pretty cold run before. But I just didnt' want my kids out there. The wind chills were in the single digits. It always feels cooler by the lake. And I was figuring about 40 to 45 minutes on a good day so this was going to take longer. I came up with another plan! We would hit the treadmill. This is how I planned for it to work. I would do 3 miles. Our kids could do 1 1/2 miles each ... they get bored on the treadmill, really who doesn't? And then my hubby could do 3 miles.
Unfortunately, no one else was really keen on this idea. Do you see how quickly my plans were garbaged? I wasn't going to let it stop me. I jumped on the treadmill. Went about 1 1/2 miles. As I stared out the window one thought kept running across my mind.....Why don't you go outside? I promptly jumped off, doned my cold weather gear, and headed out side. I have not ran outside alone since I heard about Sherry Arnold and her disappearance. This story really bothers me. I ran alone. I ran alone in some pretty secluded areas. I ran alone in some pretty secluded rural areas. I ran alone in on some pretty long runs. I do always have my phone and my trusty pepper spray. But as I stood in my driveway ready to go...I was apprehensive. My husband told me just to run up to the drive-thru where my father was and back. But I was apprehensive. I decided to do loops from our home around the bus garage and back. My husband told me that I would be okay.
I went on my little jaunt.....
And it was dang cold out! I had passerbys honk. Look in amazement. And point but I went out. And you know what ... it felt great to be out there. I put in my 3 miles for Sherry. Now, I must work on getting out there again. By myself. On the road. I'll get back out there and join the running community. It really is a community of sorts. One that I'm proud to say I'm part of. I'll start with the 2 mile up and back to the drive-thru....someone from my family (immediate/extended) is always there. Plus it willl make my Momma happy that Daddy can see me at the 1/2 way point......
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The train has officially left
I've officially left Pityville! I made brief visit and started my departure yesterday. I can say that town is out of sight! What a wonderful feeling........ I understand we all have our ups and downs. Especially as a parent. Sorry to say but I'm not one of those Moms who will say "every single day is wonderful" or "I could never say a bad thing about being a parent." I'm a Mom. A Mother of two. A parent to a 6 year old girl and 8 year old boy. Life isn't a bed of roses. There are no rainbows and sparkles every day. For me being a Mom can leave a lot to be desired on some days. Really.
You can bash me if you want. But from what I've observed most Moms feel that way. I'm just not like most Moms and hide it. I let it out! I speaka the truth. And I have been crucified for it. I love my children more than they will ever know. And I know deep down they are great kids. Considerate. Responsible. Respectful. And the list could go on BUT every child knows how to get under their parents skin. So, I let the pits and valleys of being a Mom get to me. Really get to me.
So today there was a breakthrough! I've done P90X for a little over a year. Some of the DVDs more than others. Really, does anyone LOVE them all?! Yoga has never jumped out at me as a fun activity. To me yoga = flexibility. Flexibility does not = ME! I am one of the least flexible people out there. Honestly. I've always struggled to touch my toes. And so on. Just not my thing. Ask me to lift weights....YEP! Carry heavy objects....YEP! Balance....YEP! Touch my toes....not so much. But I've continued with it. I see the benefits not only with flexibility but just in my overall life. When my breathing gets labored or out of whack while running...which does happen...I go to that yoga and meditation place in my mind. Calmness. Serenity. And all is good.
I struggle with it. I still can't drive my leg to the sky and to my chest without helping my foot into place. But it is getting better. There are certain poses that I've struggled more than others. One in particular is Right Angle Pose and Grab.
Now this might not seem to hard to some. For me it is. Especially 30 minutes in when you are hot and sweaty. Today. Today. Today, drum roll, I touched my fingertips. It is a milestone for me! Now, you see that gentleman's hands above? That will be mine shortly. I've got incentive now. And when I do it. I will document it! Since my visit put me behind the miles I wanted for the month.....I've got some work to do. I made a plan for this month. And guess what a stop at Pityville isn't going to derail them!
Chugga. Chugga. Chugga choo choo! Have a great night!
You can bash me if you want. But from what I've observed most Moms feel that way. I'm just not like most Moms and hide it. I let it out! I speaka the truth. And I have been crucified for it. I love my children more than they will ever know. And I know deep down they are great kids. Considerate. Responsible. Respectful. And the list could go on BUT every child knows how to get under their parents skin. So, I let the pits and valleys of being a Mom get to me. Really get to me.
So today there was a breakthrough! I've done P90X for a little over a year. Some of the DVDs more than others. Really, does anyone LOVE them all?! Yoga has never jumped out at me as a fun activity. To me yoga = flexibility. Flexibility does not = ME! I am one of the least flexible people out there. Honestly. I've always struggled to touch my toes. And so on. Just not my thing. Ask me to lift weights....YEP! Carry heavy objects....YEP! Balance....YEP! Touch my toes....not so much. But I've continued with it. I see the benefits not only with flexibility but just in my overall life. When my breathing gets labored or out of whack while running...which does happen...I go to that yoga and meditation place in my mind. Calmness. Serenity. And all is good.
I struggle with it. I still can't drive my leg to the sky and to my chest without helping my foot into place. But it is getting better. There are certain poses that I've struggled more than others. One in particular is Right Angle Pose and Grab.
Now this might not seem to hard to some. For me it is. Especially 30 minutes in when you are hot and sweaty. Today. Today. Today, drum roll, I touched my fingertips. It is a milestone for me! Now, you see that gentleman's hands above? That will be mine shortly. I've got incentive now. And when I do it. I will document it! Since my visit put me behind the miles I wanted for the month.....I've got some work to do. I made a plan for this month. And guess what a stop at Pityville isn't going to derail them!
Chugga. Chugga. Chugga choo choo! Have a great night!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Is it Friday yet?!
If you read earlier in the week, I've been kinda down on myself. Really it doesn't happen that often. But when it does.....it is a quick descent into Pityville. I admitted to letting a run go by the wayside on Sunday. And it really did bother me. I've continued to do other workouts but just haven't had the mo-jo to run. I don't understand why. Sometimes I do find myself not worthy of good things. You know what I mean. One part of my life is chaotic so why do I believe that I am worthy of doing something that I like?
In the past, I medicated with food. Happy = eat! Sad = eat! Irritated = eat! Frustrated = eat! Feeling crappy = eat! Yeppers! You name a reason and I ate it! I consumed a lot of pity food. Since we don't have what I consider pity food in the house...I didn't think that could happen. Who really wants to bang out their frustrations on carrot sticks? Or green peppers? or Wasa Crackers? NOT ME! Here is a list of my pity foods and when I would eat them ..... Ice Cream = when I was upset about how I looked or felt. I never admitted to being the brightest bulb! Doritos = just about when ever. I do have an OBSESSION with them. Nacho cheesy goodness. Orange fingers. Bad breath.Dorito breath is bad! Chocolate (not very often) = pity party!
Now, I've learned over the past few years to not medicate with food or beverage. It just gets me NO WHERE! But today as I prepared our dinner something became apparent to me. Just because we eat healthy food doesn't mean we can't medicate with it. I realized that we have eaten potatoes every day at dinner for the past 5 days. All prepared different. Problem with this is potatoes, in all their starchy goodness, are sugar! The other problem is after 5 days of potatoes....I'm starting to resemble one! Yep! That midsection is starting to look white, lumpy, and rough! I might "rock a rectangle" but this lady is not going to "rock a Russet"!
Now, don't give up on me completely yet! I haven't completely fallen off the cliff. I'm pretty resilient. I managed to do P90X Back & Bicep workout. I know the weights were pretty heavy today. It isn't saying much for me but sweat was literally rolling off my nose! And now typing hurts. A good hurt. The I popped in Ab Ripper. Felt pretty interesting sitting in front of my boyfriend tyring to get ripped abs feeling like a Russet potato! And to top it all off, I managed to bust out 2 miles on the treadmill.
So the lesson for today is ... just because you eat healthy doesn't mean you can't medicate. It can also be said that when you mix some of those wonderful natural foods together in the right amounts the results are not so healthy. All natural granola bars.....
Yummy goodness! All natural ingredients but when mixed together .... I'm aware they are not really the healthiest things. But I do know what is in them. Please take what I have shared. Log it. And remember ..... 1. You are worthy of doing things you like and enjoy! and 2. Don't medicate. It feels good at the moment but in the long run, it just makes for longer runs!
In the past, I medicated with food. Happy = eat! Sad = eat! Irritated = eat! Frustrated = eat! Feeling crappy = eat! Yeppers! You name a reason and I ate it! I consumed a lot of pity food. Since we don't have what I consider pity food in the house...I didn't think that could happen. Who really wants to bang out their frustrations on carrot sticks? Or green peppers? or Wasa Crackers? NOT ME! Here is a list of my pity foods and when I would eat them ..... Ice Cream = when I was upset about how I looked or felt. I never admitted to being the brightest bulb! Doritos = just about when ever. I do have an OBSESSION with them. Nacho cheesy goodness. Orange fingers. Bad breath.
Now, I've learned over the past few years to not medicate with food or beverage. It just gets me NO WHERE! But today as I prepared our dinner something became apparent to me. Just because we eat healthy food doesn't mean we can't medicate with it. I realized that we have eaten potatoes every day at dinner for the past 5 days. All prepared different. Problem with this is potatoes, in all their starchy goodness, are sugar! The other problem is after 5 days of potatoes....I'm starting to resemble one! Yep! That midsection is starting to look white, lumpy, and rough! I might "rock a rectangle" but this lady is not going to "rock a Russet"!
Now, don't give up on me completely yet! I haven't completely fallen off the cliff. I'm pretty resilient. I managed to do P90X Back & Bicep workout. I know the weights were pretty heavy today. It isn't saying much for me but sweat was literally rolling off my nose! And now typing hurts. A good hurt. The I popped in Ab Ripper. Felt pretty interesting sitting in front of my boyfriend tyring to get ripped abs feeling like a Russet potato! And to top it all off, I managed to bust out 2 miles on the treadmill.
So the lesson for today is ... just because you eat healthy doesn't mean you can't medicate. It can also be said that when you mix some of those wonderful natural foods together in the right amounts the results are not so healthy. All natural granola bars.....
Yummy goodness! All natural ingredients but when mixed together .... I'm aware they are not really the healthiest things. But I do know what is in them. Please take what I have shared. Log it. And remember ..... 1. You are worthy of doing things you like and enjoy! and 2. Don't medicate. It feels good at the moment but in the long run, it just makes for longer runs!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Just some random thoughts about eating natural, organic, or whatever you want to call it!
Dang is that a long title! It has been a year since we started our slow descent into the "underworld" of organic and naturals. You would think it is the strangest thing when talking to some people. Here are just a few of the things that I've noticed ........
1. I spend more time cooking. I love to cook. I have always spent a lot of time in the kitchen. But now it is even longer. Making everything from granola bars to all of our meals from scratch as possible. All of this is fine with me. It gives me some strange type of satisfaction knowing the amount of time and love I've put into my families food. I find it somewhat relaxing.....now the dishes suck!
2. I don't spend much time "hunting for the deals" or couponing. Reality is there are no coupons for 99% of the products that I purchase. Kinda nice not reading sales ads!
3. You know that lady who is in the way because she is reading a label. That is ME!
4. Honestly, I thought our grocery bills would be higher. But I've found that I don't shop nearly as much. The food is much more filling! There is no snacking. No cravings. No blood sugar rushes. I have read that "crap" in manufactured food is addictive. Just read The End of Overeating. Heck, I've got a whole list of book titles I could give you!
5. I like that our food tastes the way it should. It can't sit on a shelf for weeks, months, or years. It will go bad. As all food should.
I could try and talk you into coming to the "underworld" with me. But I won't. Just think about it. There are times that I can't pass up on a good deal. I will admit that cost savings trumps sometimes. But all in all ... we like our nutritional choices. So next time you are at the grocery store think of this..
1. I spend more time cooking. I love to cook. I have always spent a lot of time in the kitchen. But now it is even longer. Making everything from granola bars to all of our meals from scratch as possible. All of this is fine with me. It gives me some strange type of satisfaction knowing the amount of time and love I've put into my families food. I find it somewhat relaxing.....now the dishes suck!
2. I don't spend much time "hunting for the deals" or couponing. Reality is there are no coupons for 99% of the products that I purchase. Kinda nice not reading sales ads!
3. You know that lady who is in the way because she is reading a label. That is ME!
4. Honestly, I thought our grocery bills would be higher. But I've found that I don't shop nearly as much. The food is much more filling! There is no snacking. No cravings. No blood sugar rushes. I have read that "crap" in manufactured food is addictive. Just read The End of Overeating. Heck, I've got a whole list of book titles I could give you!
5. I like that our food tastes the way it should. It can't sit on a shelf for weeks, months, or years. It will go bad. As all food should.
I could try and talk you into coming to the "underworld" with me. But I won't. Just think about it. There are times that I can't pass up on a good deal. I will admit that cost savings trumps sometimes. But all in all ... we like our nutritional choices. So next time you are at the grocery store think of this..
Monday, February 6, 2012
Frustration Monday.....
All of us deal with ups and downs. Right now, I'm in a down. Down. Down. Just call me Debbie Downer. Don't worry! I'll do my darnedest to pump you up. Get you out there. Put wind in you sails. And tell you to go out and grab what you want in this life. Don't settle for less. Know that whatever your dreams are, they are worth fighting for.
But, I'm really down on myself. Here is my short list......
1. I didn't do my 6 mile run yesterday. Wanted it. Put on my clothes. Laced up my shoes. Never ran. That frustration led to irritation.
2. I had a glass of hot tea today. That puts a "black mark" on my February challenge. My throat hurt and hot tea with lemon soothes it.
3. My throat hurt. I know what the problem is this time. UGH! UGGH! UGGGH! DANG IT!
4. I'm really contemplating a big move that will rid me of the #3 problem.
5. Feel like I'm letting my daughter down. I feel that she struggles with reading because of her slight speech issue. I get so frustrated! I know she deserves better than I can give her some days. Some days, I truly question if I should have had children.
Honestly, out of those five, which do you really think is the issue?!
I know life goes on. The problem with frustration like this for me is that I always visit my long-lost friend.....FOOD. Today's food is much better than the food in the past. Not like I'm eating Doritos and candy. All while swigging pop! Yes, my go to absolute cheat food is Doritos. One plus of living in BFE! I have to get in the car and drive to get anything. And that isn't going to happen. But I know not to compensate for things in life with food. Remember, I've never said old habits are hard to break!
Tomorrow, I will wake up, pull up my big girl gutchies, and hit the ground with my normal zest and vigor. and face the day just fine. Meanwhile, tonight I make "name cards" for everything in our house. And will attach them all. Along with prepping all of the other fun activities we have planned. My hubby tells me that all parents go through this. I don't know how he knows this. We share the same children SO he doesn't have any prior experience with this job.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Focus and don't give up!
Since today is the first day of February, I thought it a good idea to share a "promise" that I found. Train-eat-sleep.tumblr.com has a monthly promise "poster". I love them. What they say doesn't necessarily pertain just to our bodies. Here is the February Promise......
Tonight was a Mexican night here in the Brereton household. Tacos were in order. Normally, I purchase a packet of taco seasoning for the meat and end up with heartburn! Not today. I made my own taco seasoning. And it was great! Here is the recipe.....
One of the biggest things in life is being happy with ourselves. The reality is if we don't like ourselves how can we expect others to like us. The part of the promise that spoke to me was ... I will focus on what I want...not what I don't want. And I will not give up on myself. All to often we give up pretty early. I vow to not give up on myself. Heck, I don't give up on others very easily! I believe there is a winner in all of us. And that we all deserve the best! Look at the promise again. Read it. Study it. What speaks to you? What moves you? Log that deep in your brain and remember it. Live by it!
Today, my schedule said a two mile run along with P90X back & biceps. Don't you just love a back and bicep workout? Really? Afterwards a quick two was done. Started with a 1/2 mile waking warm up, 2 mile run (20 mins. 13 seconds), and a 1/2 mile walking cool down. Did my body really want to do that 2 miles in 20 minutes? NO! But my mind did. I wanted to give up at one point and slow down. But you know what? I thought about what my "boyfriend" says ... Some times people give up too early. You get what you want when you push yourself. Now that may not be verbatim but you get the jest. I really want to see a difference at the end of this month. And I plan to work my a@@ off to get it. If that means pushing. Then I PUSH!
Tonight was a Mexican night here in the Brereton household. Tacos were in order. Normally, I purchase a packet of taco seasoning for the meat and end up with heartburn! Not today. I made my own taco seasoning. And it was great! Here is the recipe.....
Taco Seasoning
1 tbsp chili powder
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 cup oregano
1/2 tsp paprika
1 1/2 tsp cumin
salt & pepper
Mixed into 1 lb. ground meat. Now if you are looking for the type of taco filling that is "sloppy" like sloppy joes this isn't it. It was more a dry filling. I'm sure you could add a little tomato sauce at the end to make it a little more "sloppy". What I really like is the fact that you control the seasoning. We like a little spicier items so I can just add a little more chili powder. Actually, I added ground red pepper. And the best part.....no heartburn! YIPPEE! The kiddos loved it.
Also, I made my own tortilla strips. I purchase whole wheat tortillas to make wraps, burritos, pizzas, etc. with. So, I thought why not just cut them into strips and bake. I looked at some recipes and they all called for brushing with butter and seasoning but I didn't want that. I just left them plain. Oven at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes, one layer on the pan. My son said they were the best chips we've had here. Now, we may try flavoring them for the Super Bowl but I plan to spray lightly with Olive Oil instead of butter.
Give them a try and let me know what you think!
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